Here goes! I am embarking on a new chapter in my life. Part of this new chapter is starting this blog. I am somewhat scared of this. Let me start by saying that I have kept a journal for twenty four of my thirty-two years on this earth. Yep. Started when I was 8. Writing is not new to me. It is incredibly therapeutic. Sometimes I am surprised that I did not make it my career. But writing my personal thoughts down for others to see is new. I don't think I would have ever done this. This was not something I desired to do. But these are new times. I have a couple of close friends who have had blogs for years. I follow them occasionally. I have recently started to follow some blogs by some people that have unexpectedly come into my life. I have been inspired to start this. They say things happen for a reason. So here is to my new chapter!
I have been blessed with the life that I live. I am happy and I feel lucky. I am happily married to a wonderful man and I have two of the cutest kids around. I am surrounded by great friends and a supportive extended family. I can't help but feel a little guilty for feeling the way I do which brought me to this new chapter.
I will start by saying that I am a very independent person. I left my parent's home at the age of seventeen to attend college 14 hours away. I graduated and then moved home briefly and then moved to my own home. Soon after I moved several hours away. I have been here since. But now I am married with small children. As I said before, my husband is wonderful. Being married has been great. Marriage takes a lot of work. I can say that it has been more fulfilling than I ever imagined. My children are the world to me. But I can't deny that I feel like I have lost my identity somewhat. I don't even stay home with my kids. I have a full time job and I am able to interact with other adults on a daily basis. But somewhere along the way in the last four years, I feel like someone's mom and not me anymore. I love being a mom, I just want that to be a part of me and not all of me. I guess I am selfish that way but it is honestly how I feel. Perhaps it is because my children are small and need me all of the time. I went from having my own life to having two little people who depend on me for everything. I still carry my youngest a lot. I change diapers, wipe rear ends and it wasn't that long ago that I was up many times a night nursing a baby. So it is ironic that the two little people who I adore so much and provide me with countless stories and memories are the same two little people that have brought me to this blog. I am on my personal journey to find myself again. This blog is part of this journey.
